Your All-American Girl: Kate Upton

In anticipation for July 4th, we asked our users which American girl was not only the sexiest but also best represented what it was like to be an American.

A few thousands votes later, we have found our All-American Girl:

Kate Upton tits in the pool

Kate Upton

That’s right! Your All-American Girl is none other than Michigan’s Kate Upton!

Kate Upton held the majority of 37% in the poll and had 500 more votes than runner-up Jennifer Lawrence (who had 24% of the votes).

Though I was really hoping Beyonce would be crowned All-American Girl by users, the truth is I knew it would be Kate Upton all along.

Ever since her Terry Richardson photo shoot, it seems like there’s no stopping Kate Upton. She’s everywhere and everyone wants a piece of her.

Hell, last year Victoria Secret said that they would never use Kate Upton because, “She’s like a footballer’s wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy.” That’s such a cruel thing to say. Too-blond? Face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy? I guarantee you that if you were to try and buy yourself a Kate Upton face it would not even come close to looking as good as the original.

Despite the harsh words, this year Kate Upton was on the Victoria’s Secret catalogue’s back cover. It turns out that Victoria’s Secret recycled the photos from 2011 (when they last booked Kate Upton) because her popularity is through the roof and they would be stupid not to include her. But I don’t have to tell you why she’s popular. She’s a gorgeous, curvy supermodel that likes to do goofy dances in a bikini. I want to tell you why Kate Upton is the perfect All-American Girl… 

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Unlike other supermodels that make names for themselves with the help of being a photographer or artist muse or by being the face of a well-known brand, Kate Upton managed permeate the hearts and minds of people all around the world by Dougie-ing at a Clippers game:

This Dougie would later turn into this GIF:

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And the rest is history.

You see, Kate Upton clearly qualifies as the “All-American Girl” because she’s got all the right curves and the blonde hair that works with the tropes of an “All-American Girl”, but what sets her apart from other “All-American Girls” is the way she’s has used her goofy personality to set herself apart from all other up-and-comers.

What other supermodel would tweet this?

Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t Kate Upton dating Jet’s Quarterback Mark Sanchez at the time? That’s ice cold.

Anyways, I feel like Kate Upton (as well as runner-up Jennifer Lawrence) has proven time and time again that there’s more to her than just a hot body. She’s got a great personality and isn’t looking to censor herself.

It’s that openness that has allowed Kate Upton to come up without the help of a photographer or brand and attract a huge fan base. In many ways, she’s a self-made supermodel. And I ask you, what is more American than the self-made man?

Benjamin Franklin’s writing focused on the virtues of self-reliance and hard work that would later become a part of American identity. Americans have always admired men who have come from nothing and used nothing but hard work and self-reliance like Franklin, Henry Ford, Sean Combs, and many other great Americans.

Does Kate Upton belong in the same category as these men?

Well…sort of.

You have to consider that curves still aren’t looked too kindly on by mainstream media. People actually have the nerve to call Kate Upton fat. If you think Kate Upton is fat, you’ve obviously never seen a fat person before. And again, she wasn’t handpicked to be supermodel of the future. She used her own digital-savvy to establish herself.

Before this post gets any more confusing, Kate Upton isn’t just your All-American Girl, Kate Upton is American.

Now let’s check out those patented Kate Upton curves!

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I just have one question…

Why can we only see Kate Upton topless is shitty quality leaked videos?

She’s posed in body-paint. She’s posed topless, holding her boobs. She’s posed in wet t-shirts.

All I want is one good quality picture of Kate Upton topless. How can we make it happen?

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Published on: July 2, 2013

Filled Under: BABES

Views: 5636

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